Just do it. Right.

Taglines: every day you hear them. Quick, snappy snippets fighting for those precious spots in your memory. With all the advertising and sponsorships we see, taglines (aka straplines, slogans) are more common than pop stars making bad decisions.

They come in all shapes and sizes: clever (Southwest’s “You are now free to move about the country”), evocative (“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”), onomatopoetic (Mazda’s “Zoom, zoom, zoom”) or stupidly obvious (Delta’s “We’ll get you there”). Notice that they always work best where they’re the absolute last thing said, to cap off an enjoyable message. We call them "buttons" sometimes, to show how they finish the communication.

So how do you know if your tagline is any good?

Say you're on a first date, but rather than a whole evening, you only have three seconds to make an impression. One line to set yourself apart from every other person in the dating pool, to win his/her heart. What do you say? More important – what does he/she want to hear? Will hearts melt more with “Tell me more about yourself,” or “I have an IQ of 147”?

Taglines work the same way. They are your chance to tell your prospects you can be important to them, in benefit-minded terms, to differentiate yourself from competitors. This ain’t a time for empty bragging.

Taglines can do many things – describe what you do, make a brand memorable, promise a benefit, claim a position versus competitors, connect with consumers' emotional needs, establish a call to action. Some are even fun to say: “Bounty, the quicker picker-upper” – again, it’s the last word, polishing off the message – it is not a headline.

What it should not do is spout self-serving gibberish that makes you disappear into background noise. Nor should it try to explain more than one thing about your company or product. Focus on one benefit and let prospects learn the rest from your advertising, website and other media.

You have choices: Pinpoint how your product emotionally benefits consumers, and play on that emotion (e.g., L’Oreal’s “You’re worth it”). Focus on a physical difference so consumers can find your product (Duracell's “You can't top the copper top”). Use a mission-based tagline if you offer multiple services or products (GE's “Imagination at work”). If you offer a complex service or are a little-known B2B company, say exactly what you do. (Hint: that is not permission to talk about yourself. Tell the customer what you will do for them.) Only well-known companies can use image-based taglines. McDonald's' “I'm lovin' it” works because even hermits in the Himalayas have probably had a Big Mac at some point.

Taglines allow you to stand out for one good, specific reason, far apart from commoditized competitors.  This is especially true with low-involvement purchases: You're at the store and remember you need trash bags. You also remember being on your hands and knees cleaning up coffee grounds after one ripped. You saw a commercial for more durable bags, but can't remember the name. While you're scanning your options, it hits you -- “Don't get mad – get Glad.” Voila, the commoditized selection gets personal.

Referring to a product's name in the tagline can be a sound move if it's done properly. It should directly tie a benefit to a product name in a memorable way (“Every kiss begins with Kay”). It should not merely say the name to take up space, as in Exxon's old slogan, “We're Exxon.” No kidding? The only way that tagline could be worse for Exxon is if they mentioned oil spills, Valdez and penguins.

Whatever you do, don't pat yourself on the back with a combination of generic blather like “quality,” “service,” “passion,” “excellence,” or the 150 years you have been doing these things. A tagline that talks about “Me Me Me” will turn people off before they look at your product (see our Mimi Syndrome White Paper here). So "putting the customer first" is your priority? Who cares? What kind of company doesn't at least pretend to care about customers and quality? You may as well say “We won't kidnap your mom.” (Hmmm. That actually would be memorable....)

Geez. Quality is important – shouldn't we mention it in our tagline?

If you want to look like everyone else, go ahead. Use the “___ years of quality ____” formula. Mission accomplished. Here are ten companies and ten taglines (past or current). Can you match these taglines to the correct company?

1. BF Goodrich Aerospace A. The new symbol for quality in America.
2. Jockey (underwear) B. Bringing quality to life.
3. Sanyo (TVs) C. Quality in everything we do.
4. Whiskas (cat food) D. Quality and innovation.
5. American Eagle Outfitters E. Best quality ever.
6. Velcro F. A commitment to quality and value.
7. Whirlpool (washing machines) G. Demand quality.
8. Goodyear Tires H. Dependable quality.
9. Buick I. Creating value through excellence –
   In innovation, quality and people.
10. Ernst & Young Financial J. Affordable quality.

How’d you do?* Do you even care at this point? Isn't it remarkable that companies of considerable substance (and trust us, there are many more) will summarize themselves with undifferentiated gibberish? Passing up the opportunity to say something meaningful and memorable about your brand, in order to spin your wheels like this, is like setting fire to money.

Whether it's “Quality with style” (four companies in the last decade), “Quality without compromise” (we found seven of those) or “Quality” with some allusion to affordability (one zillion examples), it's clear that quality of branding is in short supply.

The best advice? Don’t do it yourself. Invest in professionals who bring objectivity and world-class creativity to the task. (312) 836-0050. Operators are standing by.

*Oh, if you must know, it's 1-I, 2-F, 3-J, 4-E, 5-H, 6-G, 7-B, 8-D, 9-A, 10-C.



New Stuff

License Technologies Group, one of the nation’s largest software licensing companies (which was, incidentally, bought by Dell recently), needed new branding, including logo, tagline, website and collateral. Among other things, they needed to showcase the benefits of their two flagship products, licenselink and commercelaunch. One of the steps was to clearly explain what these products do for clients.

LTG website

Keeping our earlier discussion of taglines in mind, notice the simplicity and benefit-driven language used.

License Technologies Group, Grow Faster.
licenselink, Automate, Manage, Track.
commercelaunch, Launch, Control, Sell.

The site also has a great demo for licenselink that transcends language barriers – check it out at www.licensetech.com.

An advertising jingle...

A new client, Legacy.com, manages online obituaries (“memory books”) for hundreds of newspapers across the country. Our first task was to get their newspaper/customers enrolled in three cool new programs. Next year, they will raise their per-unit price by 50¢, a sizable increase — but offset by a 25¢ discount for each program the customer joins. This means newspapers could potentially pay 25¢ less, assuming they joined all three.

We designed an announcement mailing, a box with inserts explaining the value of each program. Then we added 25 shiny pennies to rattle around inside. A “dimensional” is often a good direct mail idea – it’s far more likely to get opened – but a noisy package? Impossible to ignore!

Legacy mailer



Cover Letters From Hell

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and feast your eyes on the latest installment of Cover Letters From Hell! But don’t look too long -- some of these may be a little much for younger or more sensitive viewers. You’ve been warned.

One young man, in his application for our internship program, provided us with a table of his likes and dislikes. To wit:

Things I like /
Find Important:
Things I don’t like /
Find Unimportant:
Communication Lazy or unmotivated people
A challenge (of any sort) Monotony
Teamwork ***Gatorade bottle story*** CONSTANT busy-work
Positive AND negative feedback (compliments and suggestions) The know-it-all
Learning The leach
Fun Jerks

Hey, that’s amazing! We, too, like fun and hate jerks!

He also invited us to check him out on Facebook, adding:

Don’t worry; I have removed the pictures I was “tagged” in with Miss New Jersey.  You know, “the ones that aren’t sexually suggestive, but I am going to get an attorney involved, that were taken during Halloween, but still don’t pose any problems.  The pictures that my mom knows about, and was mad at me for ‘like’ 10 minutes, but she knows that is, just how my friends are…but I still can’t comment on them or tell you what I was wearing or what my pose was” kind-of pictures.

Humor in a cover letter is high-risk, high-reward: the effort to be funny can’t substitute for, you know, actually being funny. Clearly there’s a joke buried somewhere in that tortuous paragraph – but by the time we got to the end of it, we’d already lost interest and started doodling little dinosaurs on his résumé.


"Your company is experiencing tremendous growth. What better way to grow then by highering someone that brings the West Coast charm to the Windy City.”

Is “highering” the opposite of “lowering”?

“I want to take my education, experiences and internships and use my creative talents to expand doors and redefine the advertising/marketing industry."

Door-expansion abilities! If only we had a carpentry department.

Now, for fans of syntactical ambiguity:

"All this boils down to one thing: without advertising/marketing research all these projects would fail and that is my strongest talent."

Every time a guy like this gets hired, God kicks a puppy and a high-school English teacher cries himself to sleep:

"i am a freeelance writer and have worked with a magazine for almost three years before. i came across ur advertisement in [name of magazine]. if you wish i can send you my cv along with some sample writings."

"To seek career in a dynamic & well Organization which offer Good oppertunities & challenging revelant exposure, self enchancement & growth..."

While we have no idea what this means, we’re pretty sure “self-enchancement” is illegal in at least twelve states, even in the privacy of your own oppertunity.


"I am a copywriter that is a jack of all trades, which is why I'm writing you as when I looked through your site you would be looking for an intern who can take on just about any task thrown at them. Is this correct? If so I'm your man! Enough of the small talk, on to the meat and potato's of this email."

Any task…except perhaps punctuating.

That’s all for this month’s issue. Remember: we don’t poke fun to be cruel. We do it because we care. And also because we skipped breakfast.

To see the all-time classics, visit the CLFH Hall of Fame.